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I’ve had to take so many moments lately, moments to pause and think about all these recent major news events in the US.  It seems so trite to be here, going about my daily life.  So much sadness.  The images from Boston that I just can’t shake and the horrible West, Texas, explosion (just a small road trip from our house in Georgetown, we always stopped in West for kolaches any time we drove north on I-35). But… I won’t be defeated.  I want to take these tragedies and use them as a reminder to cherish every moment.  To create a world for my people that is peaceful and full of smiles. I want to.

It seems easy for my kids to be unaware, in this small untouched town.  When we decided to raise our kids in Alaska, we thought it would be so important to make sure that we weren’t sheltering them–that they would be worldly, culturally, socially aware to the best of our abilities. I thought that it would make them understand and appreciate the choice we made to live here. I feel pretty ok with our job most days, and really it’s not that hard in our connected modern day.

I tuned into CNN online with the boys because they were asking questions about what was happening at the fertilizer plant in Texas.  It lead to us looking at pictures and reading stories together, on both Boston and West.  I felt the urge to pull the plug a few times, to shelter their innocence, and I did at a certain point. They were confused. I’m not sure I did the right thing. But we did have a lot of good discussion over it.

We did unplug for a bit this weekend–went on our first camping trip of the year with the boys’ scout pack.  It was so good to see all those wonderful kids running unbridled through the woods.  They all had so much fun. Of course, the mysterious “Bridging Bear” made his appearance, as he does every year at this camp.  Always the first bear sighting of spring: that dark fuzzy creature across the river that only the kids see.  Whether or not he exists, we’ll never know. But I do know it is still SO COLD at night that I hope those bears are still sleeping cozily away.

happy camper

This annual camp means my boys are now another year deep into Cub Scouts, with this being Jonah’s last year before Boy Scouts (which he adamantly refuses to join).  He slept in a tent alone with his friends… I missed him in ours but it was so nice to still have my Mighty actually wanting to cozy up to his parents for warmth and comfort from the wilds of the night.  And Lola, too, of course.  I didn’t see her the whole camping trip as she was off with her group of girls (all the “little sisters” who keep up surprisingly well with their older scout brothers–Alaskan girls kick ass, so they say).  It’s strange to suddenly have kids who are self sufficient.  It’s both wonderfully freeing and terribly lonely all at once.

The biggest part of last week for us: I registered Lola for kindergarten.  I was so anxious in the weeks leading up to it. I felt like I had to make a decision with the direction of my life and what the next chapter for me is.  I’ve been home with the kids for the last ten, going on eleven, years.  What the heck am I to do now that they’ll all be in school?!  But… I am starting to be more gentle with myself.  I think I might need to make a slow transition rather than having it all laid out, months ahead of time.  It’s not like having Lola at school will leave me with nothing to do!  Gosh I’ll miss that little bird though.  Honestly, I feel like I’ll be really lost without her with me all day.  Good thing she’s over the moon excited about it or I might hide her away.  She already told me she knew how to spell beer last night: A L A S K A N.  So, I think maybe kindergarten might be a much better influence on her than hanging out with me all day.

first school bus ride

 

Hello, Monday.  Time to get this ball rolling.

 

 

 

 

 

We’re in the middle of the Alaska Folk Festival this week.  You know how much I love it.  Truth be told, Jonah was a folk fest baby (too much info?!).  It’s the official arrival of spring and the changes in the air… yum.  Couple that with a week of inspiring (well, sometimes) live music and yahoo!  This year it was especially nice because it’s felt like we’ve been so incredibly antisocial this winter.  Between moving and illnesses, we have seen so few of our friends. It was nice to catch up and feel like part of a bigger community again.

There were a few things I noticed that were different about my kids’ experience this year.  Jonah went through the program and highlighted all the musicians he wanted to see.  Be still my heart!  He is getting more organized!  Woohoo.  And sadly I have no uninhibited little dancers front stage anymore.  All my kids are “too old” to get up and get their groove on with all the other toddlers and silly littles.  But they did hang out and do some toe tapping and clapping with us old people in the chairs.  Unless they were trying to kill each other, which also happened.

We’re going through the tom foolery that spring weather brings.  One day, it’s heavenly and I start seeds and take the sandbags from my car, the next it’s snowing and the studded tire removal date gets extended.  I think it does this every year, but I always forget.  Right now, I’m just trying to enjoy the snippets of sun we’re getting and drop everything to play outside. Here’s a visual play by play.

Thursday:

greenhouse day

Saturday:

The very next day:

We planned a beach day. I put on four layers and then ended up hanging out in my long underwear all day.  I wasn’t the only one, so it was ok. The kids went wading.

my girls

Yesterday, and most of the week prior looked like this:back to snow

Currently, bluebird skies:

SUN

awakening

I haven’t written in so long.  I’m a little rusty. And I have no idea what to say or where to start, but I’m finding I’m missing this whole record keeping business.  Though I have exactly zero time to be here in this space, it’s probably a good and necessary thing for me.  Also, I am really finding myself re-centering after a long, shitty winter. So thankful for spring and that opportunity it provides every year without fail.

The end of 2012 started out on a creative high, but keeping with my own personal tradition of cyclical inspiration, that crashed and burned after a time. It must happen for me because I start questioning everything and becoming a terribly harsh critic of my work. I’m certain this is pretty normal for lots of artistic-minded individuals.  What a pisser. So.depressing.

Aside from that, it has been a rather, um, different year.  We bought a new house. It’s good and we’re getting settled in, finally, after months of disorganization and chaos. Serious chaos.  Nobody in my family does well with change, apparently.  Wonder where they get that from?  Anyhow, the house will be a work in progress… where at one point, I would have had everything exactly painted, tiled, landscaped, etc, and at a perfect state of living, that is SO not where we’re at in life! Being a normal family with three kids kind of takes precedence over my to-do list.  Though sometimes the fact that we have nothing done makes me want to have a panic attack (and I totally have had at least 85). I’m getting better with acceptance, I think. It’s a happy thing, really, and the kids LOVE this place. More on that later.

This last month has been an awful month for illness in our family.  It started out with colds… Micah was the first hit.  He had a constant fever for over a week, only to develop pneumonia just as he was on the mend. Pneumonia is pretty frightening, those nights when he couldn’t breath–I’ve never felt so helpless as a mom.  We’ve hardly ever resorted to antibiotics but it was clearly necessary to do something. He was treated with Rocephin, the giant scary needle to the leg muscle. His response was amazing.  After being sick for nearly two weeks, he was his normal monkey self just a few hours after the treatment.  THEN Jonah got the cold, which I fully expected to develop into pneumonia, as the symptoms were exactly the same… instead he developed antibiotic-resistant bronchitis and double ear infections.  The rest of us are mildly suffering from some kind of congestion.  Oh boy has it been fun.  Ugh.

I did just have a solo recharge trip down to sunny Los Angeles for a visit with two sisters and my mom–to prepare and celebrate my little sister Emily’s June wedding. It really gave me some much needed perspective. I was starting to think that my depression was the sole center of the universe.  Silly girl!  That city and my family, they reminded me that I am defined by so much more.  Though my sisters apparently (Dad stirred the pot) think I am a total mountain woman now (…who can’t wear a dress! WHATEVER, girls. I’m perfectly ok with wearing clogs and flannel everyday. I think.).  AnyHOW.

The wedding shower was amazing, hosted by Emily’s wonderful new extended family. They also invited me to my first Passover Seder, which I found completely compelling and touching. There’s something incredibly comforting in the ancient ritual and tradition that have been carried on for generations.  This trip was good.  I’m so lucky to have been both born into and chosen by (my wonderful childhood friends) such an amazing group of women who know my heart so well. And I got to sit in the warm sun. Major bonus. Big props to Brian, who stayed home in the snow with sick kids.

So here we are in April.  The sun is much higher in the sky and our new yard is basking in the light.  Lola and I sat outside most of yesterday, enjoying the glorious weather (she even had on shorts, but I am too chicken to shed my winter layers. Alaska kids are hearty little creatures.).  We cleaned out our new greenhouse.  We started tons of seeds!  Today, we woke up to tons more snow.  That’s the way Alaska spring goes.

Hello to you all out there! I hope you are feeling the energy of the season, like the birds and the flowers.  What do you have planned for these warm months?

I’m loving the return of our Sunday hikes.  I have been feeling like it would be an off year for hiking, as Lola is too big to pack now and her little legs can’t keep up for long distances–but so far, this little trooper is proving me wrong.  She’s leading the charge over her brothers.  Figures.  But I am thinking we’ll still have to keep things short and sweet.  Luckily, Juneau has no shortage of awesome places to go for beautiful views.

Mother’s Day was good this year.  The kids were really sweet: breakfast in bed, thoughtful gifts that expressed their own unique personalities, and pretty good attitudes :) Always a plus.  They took me on the Outer Point Trail in Douglas to sit on the beach and do some fishing.  And the sun was out! First day in awhile.

we saw more skunk cabbage on this trail than i have ever seen in my life!  the smell was crazy terrible/heavenly all at once.

leave it to jonah to start the fart bomb war. poor little sweet lola.

good stuff

Brian, Jonah and I are leaving on a little trip tomorrow. We’ll be joining some friends on a five day boat journey down the Inside Passage. Making a few secret stops along the way to set pots… then we head down to Petersburg for the Little Norway Festival. I’m pretty damn excited to see what the heck happens when you mix Vikings and Alaskans.  I can’t really imagine the debauchery!  Poor Jonah’s innocence might be compromised a tad.  Bon voyage to us!  

My sister, Alli, has come for the summer. There are four girls in our family and we are stacked on either end: I’m oldest, she’s youngest… separated by nearly 15 years. We have four brothers, too, and my family is very close.  I was off living my own life by the time she was entering school age, but luckily we have had a lot of opportunity to grow with each other. It is a real treat for me to have any family here in Alaska… for so long, it’s been us flying solo.

When I play tour guide, I get this renewed vibrance for this place. It’s refreshing to have that reminder, and always a treat to be witness to another’s awe.  It helps that I can’t remember the last time it rained. We’ve played in the sun at the beach, explored the downtown scene (it’s Alaska Folk Fest week!), hiked, cooked, watched for Northern Lights beside a campfire… it’s been a whirlwind week. It’s always funny to introduce someone to Alaska during a feverish sunny spell. She’ll soon learn that when it rains… everything ramps down a good few paces. Oh, the Juneau cycle. But still, the sun beckons, spring is everywhere, and we keep our manic velocity.

The wonders of Southeast have not been shy about showing themselves:

gold creek bridge

low tide at point louisa

a walk with pockets full of good beer

view of the mendenhall glacier valley from north douglas

basking in the sun, watching the chilkat range, glassy water… alaska at it’s finest.

 

I’m not really a Valentine’s Day girl, but I do love a good sunset. And a good meal (and chocolate and flowers!).  And the color red is pretty fabulous, too. On second thought, Valentine’s Day just may be the perfect holiday! I spent a lovely day with my family. Watching the sunset on the beach and doing some silly pink and red crafting and eating lots of sugar. Since a fancy date was not an option, Brian and I put the kids to bed early and made a most amazing Indian feast. Chicken in cashew sauce, curried coconut cauliflower and even homemade naan. So.Good. Can’t wait for lunchtime leftovers.

The sky was full of love for the occasion.

The British Soldiers are going nuts out in the sun right now. I love the perfect red bursts in an otherwise not-very-colorful month.

Jonah, explaining the cycles of the moon to me

Getting ready for dinner… finally getting a chance to use our bull kelp chutney from Simple Pleasures (we made a trade at Public Market, my print for her jellies, and we’ve been LOVING all of the amazing Alaska flavors). 

I have been seeing some amazing photos of the Northern Lights from last night! We didn’t ever see them out here, but I did see Mars glowing the brightest red I’ve ever seen, I think just for Valentine’s Day. Hope yours was full of love.

2012

One of the last days of 2011, I went to see a massage therapist. He did some pressure point tricks (to get rid of headaches). I think it magically gave me a better attitude.  Which I so needed for the new year.

2012 is here. The holidays were really good. Really good and relaxing, mellow.  I am very much looking forward to a new journey.  I have big plans for this year, even if they are just working on seeing something pretty every day.

I’m, once again (after casting it aside in 2009 when we moved across the country), going to attempt project 365… with a bonus day for leap year. Project 366.  Some of it will be private, so if you see a day or two missing, that’s why.  Join me, if you like!  It’s never too late.

I have a million posts that I’ve started over the last few months, when I’ve been MIA here. But I’m just going to scratch them and start over.  It’s a good time for that.  Clean slates and all.

New Year’s Eve, with friends:

happy 2012, friends.

Today, I am thinking about my beautiful sister in California, Emily, on her birthday. Also, I am saddened and joyous all at once to acknowledge the loss of my dear uncle who passed away hours ago surrounded by my Arizona family. Emily and Uncle Bob, together we experienced insane road trips (Lean on Me and stomach bugs), swimming pool gossip, mean Manhattans, Arizona sunsets and Texas two-stepping… to name a few.  You both are in my heart always.  And to the rest of the H gang, as Rachel said, you are exactly where you need to be–how wonderful. I love you all and your strength and optimism is truly amazing.

Emily, I’m so glad I have you to share the ups and downs of this life. Remember your birthday dinner at the Fiddlehead and that crazy bus?! And your 30th in Montana… I’ll never forget.  I’ve been saving my fireweed pictures for my August girl. Celebrate today, ok?

Sister I see you
Dancing on the stage
Of memory
Sister I miss you
(the Nixons)

We discovered a new favorite camping spot last weekend.  We went out to Boy Scout Beach and camped right in an open field of wild peas and fireweed.  And to top it off, there is real sand on the beach. It’s not the typical rocky Juneau tideline.  Sand!  Like you can walk barefoot. That never happens here!

The beach is located off a very accessible 1.5 mile trail that runs along Eagle River (very appropriately named as we were literally swarmed by bald eagles). A friend and I packed in with Lola in the stroller while the boys and Brian biked. Because Brian pulled the bike trailer, we were able to bring along a bunch of stuff that we wouldn’t normally be able to pack in.  Like a real campstove. I’m not good at packing light.

We have walked out to the beach for day excursions before, but this is the first time we’ve actually made a weekend trip out of it. The icing on the cake is that the weather was gorgeous. It makes me happy that my kids were able to stay in bathing suits just about the whole day. Much like the happy camping trips of my youth in Oak Creek Canyon, Arizona.

Wild critters and wild edibles were at every which turn. Unfortunately, the strawberries weren’t quite ready but we did manage to scavenge a few handfuls of ripe blueberries. And how adorable is this bunny! She was still as a doorknob until she took off in a mad dash.

Did I mention the sand? And the sun?

Sand is fun to play in. We made up games, like stick-tac-toe. And created beach creatures.

And of course, we did some fishing. Catch and release this time. Lots of pink salmon and double uglies (sculpin) brought in. Jonah also brought his Red Ryder BB gun to practice shooting at targets. He’s a waaaay better shot than I am.

And then there were my favorite things about camp: campfires, camp snacks, and black coffee.

This weekend will be a little different… the boys have their first soccer games of the season tomorrow and we have a few fun social activities planned. Also, king crab season is opening for just a few days so we hope to go out with a friend to pull pots and see if we can have ourselves a crab feast. Ah summer… seems like you’re going by too fast.

 

The sun came out at bedtime. We went to check the mail in our jammies and ended up at the beach.

We came home with pockets of sea glass.  And the boys said they figured we got distracted by shiny things.

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