little bird

I’m in a bit of a parenting quandary lately. As my kids are growing, their interests seem to be diverging and their personalities are certainly nothing alike. For the most part, this isn’t really a problem. They get along and they look out for each other (with the exception of the boys and their brotherly “affection”).  But lately, it just seems I’m having such a hard time making our days flow. Everyone wants to do something different. Different food, different activities, different whatever. It’s not a matter of a personal conflict between them, it’s just a matter of their own very strong wills.

My kids were all easy babies. We haven’t really faced any major challenges and Brian and I both have kind of just gone with the flow. But now that they are growing… ugh. I’m having to work!  How does one parent effectively when there is so much dissension among the ranks? It’s conflicting in so many ways and reflects on so many levels. I’m too mentally lazy to be challenged like this!

The other day, I had to pick up Mighty early from school and as I was walking down the hallway with him, I heard some older boys jokingly say to each other, “watch out for that boy, he’ll kick ya in the shins!” And that’s about Mighty’s personality. He’s funny, cute, loving, incredibly sensitive… but he’s got spunk and he’s so not afraid to kick ya in the shins. Think Dennis the Menace. For real. Exasperating.

J is challenging in more cerebral ways. He is a man with a plan and doesn’t really like to deviate from it, even if turns out to be a really.bad.plan. I have learned with him that it is best just to try to steer him in a good direction, and then let him go. He does have common sense though and that makes me a little relieved. Then again, sometimes this common sense translates into fear so I am really trying to encourage him to fight that. I see a lot of the same timidness from my younger years in him and it stinks to know that his self confidence gets crushed like mine did. That’s so hard… watching your kids develop the same unhealthy habits that you had to push to overcome. Bums me out. However, Jonah does have the biggest heart. He has always gravitated toward people who need help: younger people, elderly people, disabled people… and he usually just knows what they need. I love him for it.

Bird… oh how do I write about her? She is such a girl. I’m not used to dealing with girls. I have totally had to rewire my brain and try to parent a whole new way with her. She is very intent but also very mellow and sweet. I must underestimate her at times and then she says something that just blows me out of the water. She seems very keen on knowing how a person will respond to her and acts appropriately. Unless she is throwing the biggest fit ever. Then she doesn’t care about what other people think, especially me.

With all these labels I place on my kids, I am trying to constantly be open to them deviating from their standard. I do not want to paint this picture of who they are and make them feel like that’s who they need to be, good or bad. I adore their little minds and the way they think.

Good grief.

Anyway, just about the only thing that has been our saving grace lately is the great outdoors. And even then, it’s been a little too cold for Bird so we can’t stay out long. We took a walk to catch the sunset yesterday on our little beach. It was the first time I’d been out there since it has snowed (which is obviously my problem–I’m not getting enough beach time in). I know it’s only a few days past solstice, but it already seemed to stay light out just a little later. Hurray!

If anyone can clue me into how I might deal with such sibling conflicts, I would really love it. I just have such hard time knowing that I can’t make everyone happy all of the time.

the beginning of a major snowball war

mighty’s surprise attack right in the mug!

at least there were apologies afterward (prodded by a promise of pie)