Keep close to Nature’s heart… and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean. -John Muir

School is out. It was bittersweet to see it end this year as both the boys had such a great year. But thank heavens we can wind down a bit now. And summer is officially here, weather and all.  It has been so incredibly gorgeous out. The end of school also meant our second annual moms and boys island camping trip. It was hectic and crazy getting out of here on the same day that school ended, but very well worth it. Our plan was to stay through Sunday, but the sun and the peace were too hard to give up so we called in our families and had them join us for one more night of camp. I think had there been a warm shower and more food out there (we were down to hot dogs for every meal), nobody would have wanted to come home.

The escape getting out in nature always gifts me such peace of mind, but to couple it with the wonders that happened to coincide with our weekend away… wow.  Absolute magical synchronicity. Perfect sunny warmth (a few sprinkles but nothing saturating), enormous orange full moon, extreme low tide, middle of the night paddle in the phosphorescence, neighboring whales the entire time, sea lions, icy sea dips, gourmet camp food, beach naps, sun burns… to name a few

I’m blessed to have good friends here, ladies who are strong and happy and adventurous. I love that not only my sons, but that their boy community is influenced by these female role models. It’s especially comforting in this transition from being little guys into the cusp of adolescence. They will grow up with examples of capable women right before them, women who strive for good and learn from their mistakes. Their sons are all testaments to who they are–such great kids.

This is how I will always remember Micah, no matter how many teeth he looses or inches taller he grows. About 2 or 3, with his bright blond hair and his playful, curious nature. I’m the luckiest mama in the world.

Today is the last day of school. In just a few hours, I will be the mom of a fifth and a third grader–and a kindergartner!  I remember those days when I thought the baby and toddler years would last forever.  My how we have grown.  It’s no secret that I am overly sentimental, and I wonder sometimes if that means that I dwell too much in the past. But I’m not sure if that’s true.  The older my kids get, the more I love relishing in the now with them, and looking forward to what’s next.

Now that we have had a wonderful stretch of blue skies, I feel my winter skin breaking off.  My flowers are planted, the yard is exploding in green.  Everything is so fresh and alive. I was driving home from downtown this week, with the windows all rolled down, my hand rested on the door. I felt the warm wind rush over me and the physical sensation was intoxicating.  I now walk around in a haze, easily distracted by the growth of the grass or the hummingbird buzz I can feel on the back of my neck. Stopped in my tracks by the mingling smell of the skunk cabbage and the cottonwoods, instantly drunk after a deep breath. Reconnection with parts of me that I lost for a bit. Love sick, I think maybe, with spring.

We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity – in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The weather is incredible this week!  It’s calling me to get outside… but man, I have so much happening.  It’s the boys’ last week of school!  Couldn’t have come at a better time.  We are all really struggling to wake up in the morning, mainly due to the increase in bedtime with our wonderful daylight hours lasting far into the night now.  I have to pack up for island camp ASAP so we can get out of here on Saturday morning for the long weekend.  I have to tie up all the loose ends for the little things I have been working on for my sister’s wedding, including pick up my bridesmaids dress from the tailor, which I hope still fits after an unkind winter. Pack for CA, then get the heck out of dodge next weekend! I can’t tell you how much we all need this vacation.

My blog is looking really wonky.  I’ve just been downloading the theme updates and it has added all this weird stuff that is really throwing my chi off, like these awful boxes around all my links.  Oh well, someday I will figure that out. Probably not until the fall when the kids are back to school though. So, sorry about that. I have big ideas to change it all… I guess I should figure out how to code first, or whatever it’s called.

I was invited to contribute to Words to Shoot By! I’m pretty honored to be included with this group of photographers, many of which I have admired from afar for some time.  It seems like it will be a fun challenge for me and add a little bit of inspiration to my everyday shooting. The website is having an open call for their 100th post with the word theme “moments” and I think you all should enter.

In my typical procrastination mode from all of the above, we have had lots of little bits of fun here and there:

The kids helped build a clay walrus named Winston at the State Museum.

We painted fish for fish prints that are now hanging in our living room window.

Alli, Lola and I hiked up Salmon Creek, among a few other hikes. It feels so good to walk on dirt and not snow or ice, finally.

We waded through the back pond in search of the rough-skinned newt. One of the most toxic creatures (if you ingest them) in North America. We found dozens and they were slimy and disgusting, but I would rather have them in our yard then snakes any day.

We danced on logs at the beach in the sun with friends. And it was warm.

And I’ve been sitting and watching a lot.  So much to process these days. New life chapters, struggles that seem insurmountable. But also, so much beauty in the spring… and in my life. And so much to look forward to.

…I’m trying… to be positive. It’s awesome to me that the kids just don’t care.  Lola woke up, looked out the window and said, “when can we go sledding?!” Would that I could be that stoked about snow falling since October.

I have been able to get some things done inside, at least.  I painted the family room last week.  It used to be a rather awful peachy color. It is now a cool, blueish white.  Or maybe baby blue, depending on the lighting.  I love it in the mornings but the evening light just makes it look like a nursery gone wrong.  Truth is that it is the same exactly color as our Texas living room. I’m progressive like that. It’s still a work in progress, but here’s where I’m at:

Last Thursday, I went to see author Lynn Schooler and photographer Mark Kelley speak at the university.  They talked of the Outer Coast of Alaska, particularly the area around Lituya Bay that was hit with the biggest tsunami ever recorded. It was incredibly fascinating. Lynn read passages from his book Walking Home, set to a slideshow of Mark’s photos from a long hike he took with his family along the “Lost Coast”.  Lynn said something like Juneau people get “fjord fever”, or a feeling that we are contained here, that there’s no open expanse.  Such a feeling I can relate to.  Almost claustrophobia, especially when the grey clouds meet the towering mountains and we are literally socked in.  That feeling can hit so suddenly, so violently.  And can just as easily float away, when you stumble on a moment that makes you remember why you adore this place.  I love the understanding we Alaskans have for our collective sense of being. It’s so nice to read about experiences so relatable, and see incredibly artistic photos to remind us of the beauty of our planet (and I’m lucky enough to live here!).

Some things that are making me smile today:

• Jonah’s art was chosen for display at the state capitol this month.  He made a paper mask called “The Wood Carver” (you can see it here). We can’t wait to get downtown to see it! He’s always drawing or painting, so you can imagine he is pretty proud of himself.

• I have a girl crush on Lana Del Rey.  She seems a little snooty, but I am digging on her music these days.  Lola is, too. Which may be bringing out the drama in both of us lately.

• There’s this song I’ve heard a few times lately. My parents used to (still do actually) sing it to me, so much that my family calls me Guinnevere. Every time I hear it, it’s like a big fat hug. My dad often sends his kids “Take 5″ emails, with a list of crazy music videos for us to watch.  My favorites from the last few months have been this totally creepy one by The Bee Gees.  Then there’s this nutty Adam Ant video, with the rad yellow shoes (I’m sensing a flash mob on the horizon, perhaps at a certain wedding coming up?!).

• We leave one month from today for sunny California skies.  Flying into San Diego and taking a road trip up the coast to San Francisco.  The big draw is my little sister’s wedding in Malibu, but we have three glorious weeks to linger in the sun and play at the beach. Any recommendations for great stops along Hwy 1?

I really think I could sit here drinking coffee and babbling all day. I know I could… but I’ll spare you the chatter. Happy May Day!

I’ve had to take so many moments lately, moments to pause and think about all these recent major news events in the US.  It seems so trite to be here, going about my daily life.  So much sadness.  The images from Boston that I just can’t shake and the horrible West, Texas, explosion (just a small road trip from our house in Georgetown, we always stopped in West for kolaches any time we drove north on I-35). But… I won’t be defeated.  I want to take these tragedies and use them as a reminder to cherish every moment.  To create a world for my people that is peaceful and full of smiles. I want to.

It seems easy for my kids to be unaware, in this small untouched town.  When we decided to raise our kids in Alaska, we thought it would be so important to make sure that we weren’t sheltering them–that they would be worldly, culturally, socially aware to the best of our abilities. I thought that it would make them understand and appreciate the choice we made to live here. I feel pretty ok with our job most days, and really it’s not that hard in our connected modern day.

I tuned into CNN online with the boys because they were asking questions about what was happening at the fertilizer plant in Texas.  It lead to us looking at pictures and reading stories together, on both Boston and West.  I felt the urge to pull the plug a few times, to shelter their innocence, and I did at a certain point. They were confused. I’m not sure I did the right thing. But we did have a lot of good discussion over it.

We did unplug for a bit this weekend–went on our first camping trip of the year with the boys’ scout pack.  It was so good to see all those wonderful kids running unbridled through the woods.  They all had so much fun. Of course, the mysterious “Bridging Bear” made his appearance, as he does every year at this camp.  Always the first bear sighting of spring: that dark fuzzy creature across the river that only the kids see.  Whether or not he exists, we’ll never know. But I do know it is still SO COLD at night that I hope those bears are still sleeping cozily away.

happy camper

This annual camp means my boys are now another year deep into Cub Scouts, with this being Jonah’s last year before Boy Scouts (which he adamantly refuses to join).  He slept in a tent alone with his friends… I missed him in ours but it was so nice to still have my Mighty actually wanting to cozy up to his parents for warmth and comfort from the wilds of the night.  And Lola, too, of course.  I didn’t see her the whole camping trip as she was off with her group of girls (all the “little sisters” who keep up surprisingly well with their older scout brothers–Alaskan girls kick ass, so they say).  It’s strange to suddenly have kids who are self sufficient.  It’s both wonderfully freeing and terribly lonely all at once.

The biggest part of last week for us: I registered Lola for kindergarten.  I was so anxious in the weeks leading up to it. I felt like I had to make a decision with the direction of my life and what the next chapter for me is.  I’ve been home with the kids for the last ten, going on eleven, years.  What the heck am I to do now that they’ll all be in school?!  But… I am starting to be more gentle with myself.  I think I might need to make a slow transition rather than having it all laid out, months ahead of time.  It’s not like having Lola at school will leave me with nothing to do!  Gosh I’ll miss that little bird though.  Honestly, I feel like I’ll be really lost without her with me all day.  Good thing she’s over the moon excited about it or I might hide her away.  She already told me she knew how to spell beer last night: A L A S K A N.  So, I think maybe kindergarten might be a much better influence on her than hanging out with me all day.

first school bus ride

Hello, Monday.  Time to get this ball rolling.

Saturday, my scouts worked the food drive, which raised over 8,000 pounds of non-perishables for the local food bank.  I’m proud of them and the sense of accomplishment they have now.  We had two boys over for the night. I thought it’d be nuts… but they were awesome.  Sometimes, I think it’s a little funny, what these Alaska kids do for fun.  But that’s a story for another day. Also, we had glorious sun. It was so nice and warm and wonderfully perfect.

Yesterday, we all (had to bribe the kids with money!) worked outside to clean up likely years worth of trash that has been uncovered by melting snow all over the yard.  Our house sits on or near what used to be cannery property in the early 20th century.  At one time it was all clear cut, but the forest has taken over in a major way.  We found a neat old metal pump in the woods.  I’m sure it’s the first of many relics we’ll uncover. I love that. Makes me think of the things we used to find at our house in Texas, which sat on the start of the Chisholm Trail.  I’m such a sucker for old junk with fabulous history.

Today, I’m thinking of my grandpa. He passed away six years ago today, death and tax day.  We always laugh at that. What I wouldn’t give for just another visit, a walk together to feed the cows or a corny joke.

I’m going to relish this beautiful day. After I convince Lola not to go to the beach in high heels.

We’re in the middle of the Alaska Folk Festival this week.  You know how much I love it.  Truth be told, Jonah was a folk fest baby (too much info?!).  It’s the official arrival of spring and the changes in the air… yum.  Couple that with a week of inspiring (well, sometimes) live music and yahoo!  This year it was especially nice because it’s felt like we’ve been so incredibly antisocial this winter.  Between moving and illnesses, we have seen so few of our friends. It was nice to catch up and feel like part of a bigger community again.

There were a few things I noticed that were different about my kids’ experience this year.  Jonah went through the program and highlighted all the musicians he wanted to see.  Be still my heart!  He is getting more organized!  Woohoo.  And sadly I have no uninhibited little dancers front stage anymore.  All my kids are “too old” to get up and get their groove on with all the other toddlers and silly littles.  But they did hang out and do some toe tapping and clapping with us old people in the chairs.  Unless they were trying to kill each other, which also happened.

We’re going through the tom foolery that spring weather brings.  One day, it’s heavenly and I start seeds and take the sandbags from my car, the next it’s snowing and the studded tire removal date gets extended.  I think it does this every year, but I always forget.  Right now, I’m just trying to enjoy the snippets of sun we’re getting and drop everything to play outside. Here’s a visual play by play.

Thursday:

Saturday:

The very next day:

We planned a beach day. I put on four layers and then ended up hanging out in my long underwear all day.  I wasn’t the only one, so it was ok. The kids went wading.

Yesterday, and most of the week prior looked like this:

Currently, bluebird skies:

I haven’t written in so long.  I’m a little rusty. And I have no idea what to say or where to start, but I’m finding I’m missing this whole record keeping business.  Though I have exactly zero time to be here in this space, it’s probably a good and necessary thing for me.  Also, I am really finding myself re-centering after a long, shitty winter. So thankful for spring and that opportunity it provides every year without fail.

The end of 2012 started out on a creative high, but keeping with my own personal tradition of cyclical inspiration, that crashed and burned after a time. It must happen for me because I start questioning everything and becoming a terribly harsh critic of my work. I’m certain this is pretty normal for lots of artistic-minded individuals.  What a pisser. So.depressing.

Aside from that, it has been a rather, um, different year.  We bought a new house. It’s good and we’re getting settled in, finally, after months of disorganization and chaos. Serious chaos.  Nobody in my family does well with change, apparently.  Wonder where they get that from?  Anyhow, the house will be a work in progress… where at one point, I would have had everything exactly painted, tiled, landscaped, etc, and at a perfect state of living, that is SO not where we’re at in life! Being a normal family with three kids kind of takes precedence over my to-do list.  Though sometimes the fact that we have nothing done makes me want to have a panic attack (and I totally have had at least 85). I’m getting better with acceptance, I think. It’s a happy thing, really, and the kids LOVE this place. More on that later.

This last month has been an awful month for illness in our family.  It started out with colds… Micah was the first hit.  He had a constant fever for over a week, only to develop pneumonia just as he was on the mend. Pneumonia is pretty frightening, those nights when he couldn’t breath–I’ve never felt so helpless as a mom.  We’ve hardly ever resorted to antibiotics but it was clearly necessary to do something. He was treated with Rocephin, the giant scary needle to the leg muscle. His response was amazing.  After being sick for nearly two weeks, he was his normal monkey self just a few hours after the treatment.  THEN Jonah got the cold, which I fully expected to develop into pneumonia, as the symptoms were exactly the same… instead he developed antibiotic-resistant bronchitis and double ear infections.  The rest of us are mildly suffering from some kind of congestion.  Oh boy has it been fun.  Ugh.

I did just have a solo recharge trip down to sunny Los Angeles for a visit with two sisters and my mom–to prepare and celebrate my little sister Emily’s June wedding. It really gave me some much needed perspective. I was starting to think that my depression was the sole center of the universe.  Silly girl!  That city and my family, they reminded me that I am defined by so much more.  Though my sisters apparently (Dad stirred the pot) think I am a total mountain woman now (…who can’t wear a dress! WHATEVER, girls. I’m perfectly ok with wearing clogs and flannel everyday. I think.).  AnyHOW.

The wedding shower was amazing, hosted by Emily’s wonderful new extended family. They also invited me to my first Passover Seder, which I found completely compelling and touching. There’s something incredibly comforting in the ancient ritual and tradition that have been carried on for generations.  This trip was good.  I’m so lucky to have been both born into and chosen by (my wonderful childhood friends) such an amazing group of women who know my heart so well. And I got to sit in the warm sun. Major bonus. Big props to Brian, who stayed home in the snow with sick kids.

So here we are in April.  The sun is much higher in the sky and our new yard is basking in the light.  Lola and I sat outside most of yesterday, enjoying the glorious weather (she even had on shorts, but I am too chicken to shed my winter layers. Alaska kids are hearty little creatures.).  We cleaned out our new greenhouse.  We started tons of seeds!  Today, we woke up to tons more snow.  That’s the way Alaska spring goes.

Hello to you all out there! I hope you are feeling the energy of the season, like the birds and the flowers.  What do you have planned for these warm months?

And then Friday… it’s finally here!  Public Market 2012. I’ve been working on lots of little things, some familiar from last year: cards (though updated with new photos), gift tags, smoked salt… And new for this year, I’ll have some encaustic pieces (simply put, I’ve put my photo prints on wood and encased them in wax. The wax protects the prints and gives them depth and a nice textural element. I’m really happy with these and can’t wait to share them.).  Also new: 2013 calendars using my Instagram photos.

encaustic photos on wood blocks

brian’s famous alder smoked sea salt

calendar!  i’m excited about this.

new cards

and holiday offerings (this year the cards are blank inside so you can share the the love all year long)

All of my photographs are taken locally, in Juneau. So if you’re looking for something uniquely Alaskan… come see me!  I’ll be sharing booth space again with my beautiful friend, Amy, of Fog and Fern.  This year, we are in the Sheffield Ballroom (the big room) at Centennial Hall–by the food, yay.  I love food.  Hope to see you there! For those of you reading in other cities and countries across the planet, my plan is to update my etsy shop next week.  Please let me know if there’s something special you’re looking for.

Juneau Public Market
Centennial Hall
Friday noon – 8pm
Saturday & Sunday 10am – 5pm

This is Monday evening’s sunset, from my walk on the beach with Jonah.  It has turned suddenly very cold. The lakes are freezing and there is ice on the windshield in the morning. Fallen leaves are staying frosted throughout the day, never being warmed by the bright sun’s heat.  A nice October.

I feel slightly spread thin these days. Working on a lot in too many areas right now. I like the diversity, but it can be a little exhausting.  Most of which I speak of is kid-focused (…of course!), but I’m doing a lot for me, too. I’m working on creating a bunch of new things for Public Market, which is coming up in November. Sometimes when I feel like things are at their craziest, I’m more happy with my work.  Wonder why that is?  Also, I’m generally a big book snob (aside from the year of Twilight that I’ll never get back), but I’ve decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey.  Because, you know, it’s what women are doing these days.  Did I really just admit that?

I just read this quote from Thoreau and I thought maybe it was written for me:

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be.  Now put the foundations under them.

Floating castles! And I married a total realist. Maybe our kids will be balanced. One can dream.